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Romans 14 — When being right and being loving aren't the same thing
8 min read
fresh.bible editorialPaul openly sided with the 'free' group — nothing is unclean in itself — then immediately said being right isn't the point. Love is.
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The in had a problem. Not persecution — that was coming. Not false teaching — would get there. The problem was that believers were tearing each other apart over food. And calendars. Jewish believers, shaped by a lifetime of dietary and sacred days, were butting heads with believers who saw those things as irrelevant. Each side was convinced the other was wrong — and not just wrong, but spiritually deficient.
Paul stepped into the middle of it. And what he said has implications far beyond first-century dinner tables.
started with a principle that cuts right to the heart of it. When someone in your community has different convictions on secondary issues, your job isn't to fix them:
"Welcome the person whose faith is still developing — but not so you can argue about their opinions. One person believes they can eat anything. Another person, whose conscience is more cautious, eats only vegetables. The one who eats freely shouldn't look down on the one who doesn't. And the one who abstains shouldn't judge the one who eats — because God has already welcomed that person.
Who are you to judge someone else's servant? They stand or fall before their own master. And they will stand — because the Lord is able to make them stand."
That last line is worth sitting with. Paul didn't say "they might stand." He said the Lord is able to make them stand. The person you're worried about? The one whose choices make you uncomfortable? God's got them. They don't report to you. They report to him. And he's more than capable of holding them up.
Next addressed the calendar wars — which days were sacred, which were ordinary. His answer wasn't what either side expected:
"One person considers certain days more important than others. Another person treats every day the same. Each one should be fully convinced in their own mind. The person who honors a special day does it for the Lord. The person who eats freely eats for the Lord — they give thanks to God for it. And the one who abstains does it for the Lord and gives thanks too.
None of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord. If we die, we die for the Lord. So whether we live or die — we belong to him. That's the whole reason Christ died and rose again: so that he would be Lord over both the dead and the living."
Here's the reframe that changes everything: the question isn't "who's right about the food?" or "who's right about the calendar?" The question is "who are you doing it for?" If both sides are genuinely honoring God with their choices — then the argument is already over. The destination is the same. The routes just look different.
Then turned the spotlight. And it gets quiet here:
"So why do you judge your brother? And you — why do you look down on your sister? We will all stand before God's judgment seat. Scripture says it plainly: 'As I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow to me, and every tongue will confess to God.'
Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God."
Not an account of what the person next to you did. Not an account of all the things you noticed other people getting wrong. An account of yourself. That's it. Every ounce of energy you've spent cataloging someone else's choices — wasted. You'll stand before God alone, answering for your own life. And so will they. That reality should make us a lot quieter about each other's decisions and a lot more attentive to our own.
Now shifted the whole conversation. It's not just about who's right. It's about what love requires:
"So let's stop judging each other. Instead, make up your mind about this: never put an obstacle or a trap in front of a brother or sister. I know — and I'm fully convinced through the Lord Jesus — that nothing is unclean in itself. But if someone believes something is unclean, then for them it is.
If what you eat causes your brother genuine distress, you are no longer walking in love. Don't let your dinner plate destroy someone that Christ died for. Don't let something you see as perfectly fine become an occasion for criticism."
This is where it gets personal. Paul agreed with the "free" group — nothing is in itself. He said that clearly. But then he immediately said: being right isn't the point. is. You might have the theological to do something. But if exercising that freedom wounds someone gave his life for, your freedom just became selfishness. That's a distinction most people never make. Being right and being loving aren't always the same thing. Think about the last time you won an argument with someone at , or online, or at the dinner table. Did you build them up? Or did you just prove a point?
Then zoomed all the way out and named what really matters:
"The kingdom of God is not about eating and drinking. It's about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Anyone who serves Christ this way is pleasing to God and respected by people.
So let's chase after the things that bring peace and build each other up."
Three words. . . . That's the checklist. Not "who has the most correct opinions about secondary issues." Not "whose lifestyle choices look most like mine." If your convictions are producing division instead of peace, criticism instead of joy, and self-righteousness instead of actual righteousness — something has gone sideways. The kingdom was never about the menu. It was always about what's happening between you and the people at the table.
brought it home with the sharpest version of the principle yet:
"Don't tear down the work of God for the sake of food. Yes — everything is clean. But it's wrong to eat something if it causes another person to stumble. It's better to skip the meat, skip the wine, skip whatever would trip up your brother or sister.
The faith you have about these things? Keep it between you and God. The person who doesn't feel conflicted about what they approve of — that person is in a good place. But the person who has doubts and eats anyway stands condemned — because the eating didn't come from faith. And whatever doesn't come from faith is sin."
That last sentence lands hard. "Whatever does not come from is ." It's not about the food. It never was. It's about whether your conscience is clear before God when you make your choices. And here's the other side of it: if you have and a conscience, you don't need to broadcast it. Keep it between you and God. Your freedom doesn't need an audience — especially not an audience of people it might hurt.
Think about how different most conversations would be if both sides followed this chapter. The people with more freedom would stop flaunting it. The people with more caution would stop judging. And everyone would spend a lot less energy policing each other and a lot more energy loving each other. That's what Paul was after. That's what the looks like when it's working.